Papa Wonderful 49 Drizzling rain 1999
49 drizzle
Outside is raining and cold rain. This rain will surely scatter the leaves left on the branches. Winter is coming soon. That’s the kind of rain that Laforg said was raining with the kindness of an angel. Mr. Tadokoro remembered the phrase at the beginning of the haiku poetry collection, “Saruyomi,” that the first-time rain monkey also humbled Koyomi. Tadokoro had special memories for this phrase.
Tadokoro was in the midst of his own identity when he started learning Chinese on days far away. The start was easy. I was wondering where I was studying Chinese. The modern age of China, which was heading toward the formation of a united anti-Japanese front after the 54th movement from the Xin Revolution, had come close to the heart of Tadokoro youth, who had been completely ignorant of its history. I had a general knowledge of high school textbooks. However, in contrast to that, the modern times of China, which came more directly through words, had something that touched the body as if a real person spoke. At that time, Mr. Tadokoro, who was young, felt that he was completely blank when he came to history.
I wondered if I was a blank foreign language and could really learn even if it was a foreign language. That kind of question always asked Tadokoro for an answer. Even if you don’t think so seriously, it’s because you’re a non-blank person who already has some basis for himself. Standing up without anything was a pain. Was it Wittgensitain that said that philosophy takes a stupid form? I didn’t know that at the time, but the fact was that I couldn’t do anything other than exhausting myself. When Tadokoro faced the world for the first time, he clearly knew that there was nothing in himself that could support him. The solution clearly required a different kind of knowledge than we had learned so far. There was a need for a solid foundation on which one could stand and think when going to the outside world. Perhaps it was something that was gradually completed over time, trying to connect the innumerable pieces of life together as oneself lives. However, at that time, Tadokoro youth could not wait for its generation slowly. Continuing to face history while leaving myself blank was a pain that could not be compared.
I was about to reach the first winter after learning Chinese. Tadokoro was on the way to the city center on a bus that day. The hourly rain was dripping wet the windows of the bus in turquoise. There were few passengers, and the inside of the car was quiet. Looking out the window, the young man realized that he had made little progress on what he had been thinking for the last six months. It was a difficult situation to proceed.
Suddenly, Basho’s phrase, “Saru no Yu” came to my mind. I don’t know why that happened. The rain outside the window may have evoked memory from somewhere. The young man then immediately thought he might be able to return to this place and start a sure-fire one from here. There was no other memorized phrase for “Saru no Mori”. I just remembered this phrase somewhere. That was enough for a new start.
For youth, the world was the same as Shigure. The young man also needed a small 蓑. The vulnerable soul had to defend himself. Literature is a defense.
The young man then spent a while reading “Kyoraisho”. It was short overall, and each sentence was even more concise. It may have been suitable for a young man who was tired. This phrase, which I remembered from Shimogyo, the night rain on the snow, and from Kiraisho, was something I remembered a few times later when I visited Nara Kyoto. Eventually, the young man began to choose quiet Nara as a small awn that he puts on, leaving the scented beauty of Kyoto. The starting point may have come from these types of materials. Even in the summer of the year after that, the young Tadokoro who was trembling in the rainy night window and regained his calmness, the view of the early summer night that I had seen from my room was sure to include the Shimogyo phrase of Yoraisho. It may have been connected somewhere deep in it.
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